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"Learning...Tilt?" - SG-1 fic

Learning Curve…Tilt?
By Lokei
Universe: Stargate SG-1, Daniel gen, PG
Disclaimer: this universe is not mine.

Author’s Note: blame sg_fignewton for encouraging the crack. Or thank her, either way.


= = =

Overheard in the SGC new recruit orientation

“And that’s Dr. Daniel Jackson. If you meet him in the hallway, don’t let the polite distraction fool you. That man opened the Stargate and has helped save the planet more times than you’ve sneezed. His brain is lethal.” A pause. “And so is that stack of paper.”

= = =

Airman Erin McNally was mesmerized.

Tilt. Wobble. Pivot. Wobble.

Really, there was no reason why the person behind that pile of books and file folders should be wandering the halls like an oblivious traffic cone. What was even more amazing was that he was actually trying to write notes on whatever sheet of paper topped the precarious pile, and carrying on a conversation over his shoulder with a shorter man trotting along behind him.

He was going to hit something, or someone. Airman McNally could just picture the way the folders would spill their contents like a thousand paper cranes all over the gray corridor.

She was still picturing it when she walked into Lieutenant Sanders coming around the corner and sent them both crashing to the floor.

And then, irony of ironies, the next thing she saw was a hand in front of her face as the paper-carrying acrobat shifted his pile easily to under one arm and hauled her up with a simple tug of the other, all without losing a single page.

“Is she all right, Daniel?”

Blue eyes flickered over her quickly and she nodded.

“Seems fine, Nyan.” The lips under those striking blue eyes curved just a little.

“You learn fast to keep your eyes open around here. Know where you’re going, airman?” Dr. Jackson asked.

It didn’t much matter. Erin was a goner.

= = =

The commissary was unusually noisy—with the base on lockdown, a number of SG teams were stuck in limbo, waiting either to head out on a delayed mission or unable to go home from the last one, and mealtimes had gotten rather crowded.

Lieutenant Fred Howard found it entertaining people-watching. He was still learning to recognize some of the high-and-mighties of the SGC, and was watching in some amazement as at least one of them stalked regally towards a corner table, dogged by another who had his entire lunch tray balanced atop a stack of books at least six high.

Howard elbowed his new compatriot, Lieutenant Sean Norton, and hissed, “Hey, isn’t that tall black guy the one that switched sides? And who’s the guy behind him?”

Norton, who was a lot better with faces and names, rolled his eyes. “That’s Teal’c, yeah, from SG-1, and that’s Dr. Daniel Jackson with him. Didn’t you pay ANY attention when they did the orientation thing?”

The odd pair were winding swiftly through the crowded aisles between tables, Teal’c expertly clearing a path and Dr. Jackson following right on his heels, exchanging greetings with others they passed. At one point Teal’c stopped and Howard was absolutely convinced Dr. Jackson was going to walk right into him and leave his bowl of soup all over the Jaffa’s black tee-shirt. Instead, Jackson swerved easily to one side and sidled past, lifting his nerve-wracking book-and-tray combo right over the bigger man’s shoulder to avoid jostling his elbow. Without even seeming to blink, Jackson sidled right into taking point and continuing across the room.

Howard, who thought he was raising his glass to his lips, tilted it to take a sip while keeping an eye on this remarkable maneuver. The next thing he knew, he had a noseful of cola, and Norton was laughing hysterically.

“Shut up!” Howard hissed through a face-full of paper napkins. Jackson and Teal’c were practically on top of them.

The linguist and his tray went by without incident, but the Jaffa stopped a moment and looked at them gravely, raised an eyebrow, and stalked on.

“Shit!” Howard said feelingly. “How does he do that?” Whether he meant Teal’c or Dr. Jackson was unclear to Norton, but Howard didn’t know which one he meant either.

Sean just shook his head. “That’s why they’re SG-1, man.”

= = =

When Daniel strolled into his office, books and notebook under one arm, box of artifacts recovered from PJ2-996 under the other, and two cups of coffee clutched in the hand with the books, he was utterly unsurprised to see Jack leaning against his table.

“Jack,” he greeted the man by passing over one of the coffee mugs.

“Daniel,” Jack replied in his favorite ‘what are you doing?’ inflection.

“I think these tablets might actually be a record of the history of the Ytendi people that apparently occupied the planet before the current human population, Jack.”

“Daniel,” Jack repeated. “You are aware that there are a brand new crop of airmen and junior officers that just went through orientation, right?”

“Hmm?” Daniel was doing a good job being vague as he settled his cargo on the table and began unpacking the box. “I did notice a few new faces around, but at least someone told them how to properly store stone tablets to minimize chipping. They did get a couple of new ones on SG-11, didn’t they?”

“Daniel,” Jack repeated with his ‘look at me and quit fooling around’ emphasis. Daniel looked up.

“There have been no fewer than five new airmen down in the infirmary recently with scalded hands, bruises, and other small injuries which they claim to have sustained from bumping into people in the halls. It’s enough people that Hammond asked me to find out if there was a spate of bullying going on, find out who was around for each of these incidents to see if there was a common factor.”

Daniel raised his eyebrows. “And?”

“There was,” Jack crossed his arms. “You, Daniel.”

Daniel crossed his own arms. “I beg your pardon?”

“All of these unfortunately clumsy airmen apparently suffered their attacks of clumsiness while in your vicinity, Dr. Jackson. Do you have anything to say for yourself? Confessions of terrorizing the new recruits, perhaps?” Jack’s eyes were twinkling, remembering the way an entire room of top military brass had once fidgeted as a geek with floppy hair careened into the room with boundless energy, an armful of charts, and a full mug of coffee.

Daniel’s face and carriage were as demure as his eyes were wicked. “Couldn’t have been me, Jack. My hands were full.”

Comments

( 90 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 12:21 am (UTC)
*puts you in Daniel's omnipresent sarcophagus and lets him wake you up*

*grin* This idea was irresistible. I tossed it off as random-plot-bunny to fignewton and she gave it carrots. *laughter* Big, flirty carrots.
kuwdora
May. 16th, 2008 11:21 pm (UTC)
AH! Yes. Perfect!

I wouldn't mind being scalded in this way...
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 12:22 am (UTC)
It's a great image, isn't it? Other people spilling their coffee all over themselves because they're busy staring at Daniel...

Thank you!
jenlev
May. 16th, 2008 11:54 pm (UTC)
Heee! Delightful. Evil comes in all sorts of packages, eh? ;)

And Jack is very wise.

Edited at 2008-05-16 11:54 pm (UTC)
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 12:23 am (UTC)
Jack has been studying the archaeologist of the species. *nods sagely* He is very familiar with their traffic patterns and senses of humor. *grin*

Thanks!
(no subject) - jenlev - May. 18th, 2008 12:36 am (UTC) - Expand
_minxy_
May. 17th, 2008 12:13 am (UTC)
Bwahahahaha!

I love 'not oblivious, just busy' Daniel.
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 12:24 am (UTC)
Me too. I'm willing to believe he spends a lot of time in his own head, but there's no way Daniel could be who and what he is if he really were a mobile traffic cone.

Glad it made you laugh!
theemdash
May. 17th, 2008 12:42 am (UTC)
That was kind of beyond wonderful.
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 12:25 am (UTC)
Thank you! Daniel's a crowd pleaser. :)
findo
May. 17th, 2008 12:56 am (UTC)
LOL! Thanks for the laugh, I can always use one of those :-) Very Daniel...
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 12:25 am (UTC)
Laughter is very good for the endorphins and stress relief and all that medicinal stuff. Also, it's fun. :) Glad you enjoyed it!
stultiloquentia
May. 17th, 2008 01:04 am (UTC)
*glee*
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 12:26 am (UTC)
Daniel is so *cute* when he's being mischievous.
(Deleted comment)
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 12:27 am (UTC)
He is far, far too cute when being devious. And I wanted the secondary characters to be believable--a little overwhelmed, a little in awe, just a little in love with Daniel and SG-1 already. Glad it worked!
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - lokei - May. 18th, 2008 01:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
cofax7
May. 17th, 2008 02:13 am (UTC)
Oh, that's very cute.
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 12:28 am (UTC)
Fortunately, Daniel makes it easy. ;)

Thanks!
green_grrl
May. 17th, 2008 02:41 am (UTC)
*adores*
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 12:29 am (UTC)
No tentacles, but I'm glad it satisfied anyway. *grin*

Thanks!
blueberryscone
May. 17th, 2008 03:08 am (UTC)
so sweet!
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 01:59 am (UTC)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 02:00 am (UTC)
She is indeed a princess. *grin*

So glad you enjoyed it!
barefoot_chick
May. 17th, 2008 03:43 am (UTC)
Very cute. Hee. Reminds me of the Star Trek-the next generation episode "Lower Decks".
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 02:01 am (UTC)
I loved Next Gen but haven't seen much of it in ages and was always horrible with episode titles anyway. Which one is Lower Decks?

Cute was definitely the aim, glad I hit the mark. Thanks!
(no subject) - barefoot_chick - May. 19th, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
goldjadeocean
May. 17th, 2008 03:59 am (UTC)
On, that's amusing. I loves it.
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 02:01 am (UTC)
We aims to please. *grin*
azurelunatic
May. 17th, 2008 04:13 am (UTC)
He is adorable. This is adorable.
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 02:02 am (UTC)
And that pretty much says it all, doesn't it? *grin*

Thanks!
synecdochic
May. 17th, 2008 08:09 am (UTC)
Oh, this is just perfect! I love outsider viewpoint so much, and then you get the typical Daniel slight-bit-of-mischevious-evil at the end ...

Delightful :)
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 02:05 am (UTC)
Outsider viewpoint is compelling, I think, because you can play around a lot with reactions to the weirdness that is the SGC that either mirror your own reactions, or take some entirely other direction. And there's a sort of built-in connection to the outsiders and observers, since we all are too.

And Daniel makes such a good mischievous mastermind. It's no wonder he and Jack understand each other so well most of the time.
(Deleted comment)
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
I'm sure poor Nyan appreciates being evocative of glee, even if he does have to share the limelight with Daniel. *Grin*

Thank you!
juliekarasik
May. 17th, 2008 02:10 pm (UTC)
::is ded - with a smile::
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
*passes you over to the Nox, care of Dr. Jackson*
redbyrd_sgfic
May. 17th, 2008 03:06 pm (UTC)
Oh, fun! Very cute!
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 02:07 am (UTC)
Thank you! IMHO, every weekend needs a decent dollop of Daniel-cuteness. *grin*
sg_fignewton
May. 18th, 2008 04:56 am (UTC)
::laughs and laughs and laughs and LAUGHS::

You even poked at the bullying thing! Wheeeee!

I am so glad that I'm reccing Daniel over at stargateficrec next month.... If there's anyone left who hasn't squeed at this fic by then! :)
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 01:24 pm (UTC)
Couldn't resist, mate!

I had SOOOO much fun with this one. I sat down and it all just came pouring out--it helped that I basically had the last scene all planned. I don't know how many people start with the punchline, but it definitely happened that way here. *chuckle*

So glad you liked it! *still laughing*
(no subject) - sg_fignewton - May. 18th, 2008 01:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lokei - May. 18th, 2008 02:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sg_fignewton - May. 18th, 2008 04:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lokei - May. 18th, 2008 04:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sg_fignewton - May. 18th, 2008 04:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lokei - May. 18th, 2008 09:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
flingslass
May. 18th, 2008 05:20 am (UTC)
Wicked! Me and Mrs Slocombe raise a toast to you :)
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 01:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you! *toasts you back*
lyore
May. 18th, 2008 12:24 pm (UTC)
Here via sg_fignewton.

This was awesome (although really, after the introductory lines, how could this not be brilliant?)
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 01:28 pm (UTC)
I was trying to figure out who it was I 'heard' saying those opening lines, and then decided it didn't matter. It might have been Ferretti, I think. *grin*

Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed it!
zats_clear
May. 18th, 2008 03:38 pm (UTC)
*loves this*

you have a brilliant sense of humor!

*GIPs you a wicked Daniel*
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 04:26 pm (UTC)
*fields the wicked Daniel with a grin* Thank you!

That is such a perfect icon for the expression I imagine on Daniel's face through much of this fic! (Though his hair's just a little too short for me...I like it when it's a little more ruffle-able. *grin* But the eyes are perfect.)

Amusingly, I never thought of myself as particularly funny growing up. Probably because my brother was 'the funny one,' and if I tried it, my grandmother would thump me on the head and tell me I was sassy. *laugh*
aelfgyfu_mead
May. 18th, 2008 05:23 pm (UTC)
I think I love you. Are you taken already? Oh, no, wait--I am.

This is brilliant! Of all the SG-1 klutz stories, this one rings true. Daniel Jackson, archaeologist/linguist/anthropologist extraordinaire, causing accidents right and left--because no one can look away.
lokei
May. 18th, 2008 08:48 pm (UTC)
*laughter* Alas, apparently, it's not meant to be. *chuckle*

sg_fignewton really had it right--the appearance of clumsiness due to abstraction is really not the same thing as actual klutzy behavior. Inadvertently (or otherwise!) causing accidents really is more Daniel! *grin*

Thank you!
ainsley
May. 20th, 2008 04:47 am (UTC)
Truly wonderful. I enjoyed, and then got to the end to read about him doing it on purpose...I love your Daniel.
lokei
May. 20th, 2008 11:01 am (UTC)
Thank you! I've completely fallen for mischievous Daniel--I think I'm really going to have to find/make an appropriate icon for it because I have a feeling he's going to turn up elsewhere next time I sit down to write. *grin* I just figure, someone who comes up with 'no consequences' before even Jack himself does has to have a mischief streak about 90 miles wide.
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